Why They’re Great, How to Talk About Them, and How to Actually Use Them

Thinking about introducing toys into your relationship, but not sure how to bring it up? You’re not alone. For many people, sex toys feel personal and private, even if sharing them sounds exciting. Starting the conversation can feel awkward, but in reality it’s usually far less dramatic than it seems.

At Desire, we believe toys should feel like an upgrade to intimacy, not a replacement for it. Here’s how to approach it confidently, playfully, and without the awkwardness.

Only Got Time For A Quickie?

Here’s the quick version before we go deeper:

• Talk about toys in a relaxed moment, not mid-action
• Shop together – it can build anticipation
• Start simple, not extreme (a sexy harness is enough to get started)
• Use more lube than you think you need
• Focus on shared fun, not performance

Why Sex Toys Are Great for Relationships

Trying something new together can strengthen connection. Sharing exciting experiences creates closeness and keeps long-term relationships feeling fresh. Toys can also reduce performance pressure and increase communication.

For many people, particularly women, penetration alone is not enough to climax. Adding external stimulation can dramatically change that. Think of toys like seasoning: the dish was already good, this just enhances it.

• Reduce performance pressure
• Increase communication
• Encourage curiosity
• Help partners climax together
• Keep intimacy feeling new

Talking About Sex Toys Without It Feeling Awkward

Timing matters. Bring it up in a relaxed environment, not during an argument or as criticism. Keep the tone curious rather than confrontational.

A simple approach works best: “I read something interesting about couples using toys together. What do you think?”

Reassure your partner that adult toys are about adding pleasure, not replacing anyone. Confidence makes the conversation feel normal.

Shop Together

Browsing together can feel like extended foreplay. Reacting to designs, asking questions, and imagining how they might feel builds anticipation.

• A small bullet vibrator
• A butt plug
• A sensual gag
• A vibrating cock ring
• A remote love egg (view our Basic Luv Theory products)
• Massage oil or warming gel
• Fetish clothing

Start simple. There’s no need to jump straight into advanced territory.

How to Use Sex Toys Together

Start Slow

If it’s your first time, ease into it. You don’t have to start with BDSM toys like the bondage hoods made by Brand Inquisition or advanced butt plugs. Test toys on less sensitive areas and begin on lower settings. Vibrations can feel intense at first.

Use Lube Generously

Lubrication enhances comfort and sensation. Water-based lube is generally safe for most toys. More glide means better experience.

Try Toys During Foreplay

Use vibrators on nipples, inner thighs, or around sensitive areas to build anticipation before focusing directly on genitals.

Masturbate Together

Watching each other use toys can increase intimacy and help you understand what your partner enjoys most.

Introduce Toys During Penetration

Adding a vibrating ring or curved dildo during penetration can enhance stimulation for both partners and increase the likelihood of climax. It doesn’t have to be something big. You can start small with nipple grips and then move up from there.

Final Thoughts

Using sex toys with a partner is about curiosity and connection. It’s about enhancing something that is already good. When both partners feel comfortable and excited, toys become a shared experience rather than a solo secret.

Desire, adult wellness is modern, playful, and empowering. Exploration together often brings couples closer — in more ways than one.